Hi All,
So it's been an awful long time since I blogged. But here I am, and I will explain a few things in the coming lines.
So, here it goes.
I have suffered from depression since I was a teen - well, I guess I always did. But the last year has just been a challenge of its own. In March, I lost one of the most important people in my life, my grandmother. I had a special bond with her and it hit me very hard. This happened after I had just started a job 7 days earlier and had no money whatsoever to travel home to Vienna for the funeral. A very kind friend helped with this problem, but shortly before the funeral, bad news hit again. My brother and his wife, who live in Tokyo, were forced to give birth to a baby they were never going to hold, in her sixth month of pregnancy. She had to go through childbirth, after having tried for years to fall pregnant and having had a false pregnancy in the past. They had to go through all this and then have a funeral for their baby daughter that they never got to share a smile with.
Then there was the funeral for my grandmother of course, and I had to go back to my new job feeling like I was half the person I was before.
I loved the job, so that was a great help, and my boss and the rest of the team were so understanding and supportive that I felt like I was going to be ok-ish.
That being said, I have been suffering with my bad back for ages and it was getting worse and worse. And as you can imagine, that influenced my mood and frustration food was always a frienemy of mine so I gained weight, which, of course, led to more frustration.
On a positive note, I made some amazing new friends in the company and was actually super happy in a job for once. Shame it was a maternity contract so I had to keep looking - internally only because I wanted to stay in the company - for permanent work. Which of course didn't pan out the way I wanted and here I am now, unemployed again. More on that later.
So then Christmas came around, and my birthday, meaning the first Christmas and birthday without my grandmother. And away from home (Vienna home). I didn't see my friends for my birthday and haven't seen them since March for the funeral, which wasn't exactly a happy trip. Unfortunately we're (my other half Steve and I) are still recovering from my previous stint of unemployment which lasted 3 months in which I had to go back and forth to London for interviews which costs a lot of money. Aaaanyway, Christmas and the New Year came around and with that, the realization that my permanent job in the company was never going to happen so I had to look for work again. Which, as you can imagine, is very hard to do when everyone is on holiday with recruitment being the last thing on their mind.
The job market became a bit better in my last week of work and I had this amazing interview with this amazing company and they told me, when I was done interviewing, that I was a very strong contender. But, and luck hits again, I didn't get the job, I got the Sorry but No thanks email about a week or so after.
And guess what, the job market slowed back down again and so here I am, still waiting for something positive to happen.
All this hasn't exactly helped my depression and so I haven't been in the bloggiest of moods. But I have been making some new polishes and doing some manis so I will put some pics at the end of this depressing post to make it a little less so.
Hope you understand my absence and know that it's not the easiest of things to do to tell you all about my moods and anxiety and depression.
So here's the pics and some love and thanks for being patient and reading this post :)
Ruth
X<3
